The Trap
by toyhto
Summary: The Marauders are looking for food in the kitchen of Hogwarts when everything goes black and Remus and Sirius find out that they're locked in a closet. Nothing but dialogue!


A/N: Today, I had the first exam of my school-leaving exams this spring. Last night, I thought I could write something nice to keep my thoughts away from the exam. It's been a while since I've written a fic containing nothing but dialogue, and it's also been a while since I've written a fic which involves a pair of people getting stuck on a small place together. Then, I wrote this and went to sleep and it worked, since I think the exam went quite well!

As you know, J.K. Rowling owns everything. And I love reviews!

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**The Trap**

'Moony?'

'What?'

'Do you see anything?'

'No. It's completely dark. The lights went out.'

'Great. I thought I had gone blind. What happened?'

'I don't know. Where's James?'

'I don't know. Is Wormtail here? Wormtail?'

'…'

'Oh, crap. They're both gone.'

'I think James said something about going to find a sandwich. And then everything went black.'

'Maybe someone attacked us.'

'Maybe they save magic by turning the lights off.'

'Really? Can one _save magic_?'

'I don't think so. I mean, the Muggles are doing that with electricity. Maybe it works with magic, too.'

'I don't care. Is this a closet?'

'I'm not sure. I thought you said something about going to find fire whiskey and I followed you to make sure that the house-elves won't get mad at you. And then James said he wanted a sandwich and disappeared, and something closed and everything went black.'

'Oh, fire whiskey. I almost forgot. Do you think it's somewhere here?'

'Padfoot, be serious! We've got a problem here.'

'Really? Which problem?'

'We've got trapped. In the kitchen, where we shouldn't be in the first place as you very well know. And James and Peter have vanished.'

'Calm down, Moony. They aren't _vanished._ They are just eating jam. Somewhere else.'

'Well, they won't surely guess that we've got ourselves locked into a closet. They'll eat and get back to the Gryffindor tower and who the hell will get us out of here, then?'

'Moony, you're swearing.'

'Shut up.'

'Merlin, you are _really _nervous, aren't you? I can hear it in your voice. You're panicking. Breathe. The house-elves will free us.'

'They don't know that we are here._ Nobody_ knows that we are here. And it's almost midnight, anyway.'  
'That's good. We won't miss anything.'

'No, that's terrible! James and Peter will go to sleep and they don't care that we're away, they just think we went somewhere else before the kitchen. They won't realize we're gone until breakfast.'

'I don't really see what's the problem. It's not like the oxygen is going to end.'

'Merlin, you think that could happen?'

'Of course not. I'm not the one who's panicking.'

'I am not panicking. Besides, I can't help it. I simply hate everything small and dark and locked and this involves all of those.'

'Why?'

'It doesn't matter.'

'Sure. But you'll tell me, anyway. I've got plenty of time to persuade you before we get out of here.'

'Don't remind me about it. Fuck. I think it's a werewolf thing, you know, it's almost like being in the cage, locked somewhere with yourself.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah.'

'But cages aren't black, really.'

'Yeah, but during the transformation there're a few seconds when I can't see anything. I hate it. And I don't want to be reminded of it when full moon is still weeks away.'

'Okay. Sorry.'

'It's not your fault.'

'I know. I just meant that I won't mock you even though you're panicking.'

'Er, thanks, I guess.'

'You're welcome.'

---------------

'Do you think Peter found jam?'

'I don't know. They've probably gone to sleep, anyway. Merlin, I hate this. I wanted to do my Potions' homework tonight.'

'Really? You said you won't do them.'

'Well, you and James kept on talking how you want to get to the kitchen tonight. I didn't want to be boring.'  
'We would have made you to change your mind, anyway.'

'That, too.'

'Oh. I'm hungry. We've been here for hours, haven't we?'

'I'd say twenty five minutes or something like that.'

'Fuck. I can't wait 'till breakfast. I didn't have time to find anything to eat.'

'Before we got ourselves locked here.'

'Yeah. Moony, I think there's a shelf across your head - '

'_Ouch!_ Get off from my feet!'

'Sorry! Could you go somewhere else? I think I found a bottle - '

'There's no _somewhere else_. This place is awfully small and - _what was that?_'

'The bottle. Sorry. I wasn't supposed to collide with your head. How can one open the bottle in the dark?'

'I don't care.'

'Please, Moony. This is hard. I need your brain.'

'No. It might be fire whiskey. We'd be in trouble.'

'We're sitting in a locked closet at midnight. We're already in trouble.'

'Well, I'm not planning to spend the whole night with you being drunk.'

'You've done it many times. In Hogsmeade. I've been drunk when we've come back to the castle. And we sleep in the same dorm. That means you've spent the whole night with me.'

'But I've got my own bed. There's many meters between us. And now there's about - back out, Pads. You're standing on my toe.'

'Sorry. What were you saying?'

'That there's no _space _in this place. I don't want you to be drunk when I can't get away from you.'

'Ladies don't think that's a problem, not being able to get away from me.'

'I'm not a lady.'

'There's a lot of air to breathe.'

'You said you won't mock me from panicking.'

'Okay. Sorry. Why I keep on apologizing?'

'Because you keep on hurting me.'

'Am I standing on your toe again?'

'No. I didn't mean _literally_. It was a joke.'

'Oh. Sorry - _fuck_. I really have to get this bottle opened. I don't tend to apologize too much when I'm drunk.'

'Apologizing isn't even close to how irritating you are when you're drunk.'

'Yeah, but I would be happier. Remus, please.'

'Well, I'll open it.'

---------------

'_Now _we've been here for hours.'

'Maybe one.'

'You're such a pessimist. I don't understand how your friends can stand you.'

'You're my friend, Sirius.'

'Oh. You want some more?'

'No. Yes. Shit.'

'You don't have to be shy, really. There's just the two of us. Nobody will glare at you even though you'd get wasted.'

'That's because it's completely dark.'

'In fact, I think it isn't. I can see your head. It's very nice head.'

'You're drunk.'

'That's exactly what I want to be. Take a bit more, you sound too sober.'

'Thanks.'

'Do you think Prongs will marry Evans?'

'What? Why?'

'I was just thinking, you know. Evans doesn't seem to hate him that much anymore.'

'Pads. They're dating.'

'I know. That's what I meant. They're dating, Evans doesn't hate him and soon they'll get married and have children. And we have to leave Hogwarts and Prongs will buy a house with a garden and live there with her the kids and we're gonna be alone.'

'I'm not gonna marry anyone anytime soon. And I don't think Pete's gonna, either.'

'I know. That's good. But I miss Prongs.'

'I know.'

'It's fucking stupid because he's my best friend, but I still miss him. He's so happy. Am I terrible?'

'No. I miss him, too.'

'But not as much as I.'

'Yeah.'  
'Maybe that's because I'm living with him. Or I was. I guess I've got to get a place of my own when the  
school ends.'

'Where're you planning to go?'

'Don't know. Maybe to Diagon Alley. It's quite well located, isn't it?'

'I think I'm gonna stay home.'

'No. You're coming, too.'

'I won't get a job. I'm ruined. I could stay at home and read books.'

'You'd be dead in a year. A man can't survive reading books.'

'I would eat, too.'

'I didn't mean that. It's like, well, you know, one needs to have something going on. New people. Streets. Houses. Shops. Noise.'

'You don't like country-side, do you?'

'I don't like cows. I saw one once and it almost ate me.'

'…'

'Don't laugh! You're afraid of closets, I'm afraid of cows. We're equal.'

---------------

'Where's the bottle?'

'Watch it, Lupin. You're getting drunk.'

'Well, I'd prefer sleeping but I'm stuck in the fucking kitchen with you and I can't even sit without you poking my feet. Drinking is my second choice.'

'What am I, then? Choice number three?'

'You don't count. You're extra.'

'Extra what?'

'Extra pain.'

'_Pain?_'

'Yeah. You want me to pat you on the head and tell you how good dog you are?'

'No. You could just be a bit more kind.'

'Give me that bottle.'

'It's empty. Sorry. I drank it. Now you have to bear me.'

'Are you angry?'

'What? No. Am not. Why would I?'

'You sound angry.'

'Am not.'

'…'

'Moony?'

'I didn't mean that dog thing, you know. You're a really good dog.'

'Thank you very much.'

'And this would be almost as terrible as it is now if I were with Wormtail or Prongs instead of you.'

'…Moony? I didn't understand that.'

'I know.'

--------------

'Moony? Are you sleeping?'

'No. You're sitting on my leg.'

'Fuck. I thought I might, but then I thought you would have said.'

'I was almost sleeping.'

'Well, fortunately I woke you up. Do you fancy anyone?'

'What?'

'Like a girl. Like Prongs fancies Evans.'

'Prongs is obsessed with Evans.'

'Just answer the question.'

'Why're you asking?'

'Because I don't know.'

'It's probably three o'clock in the morning or something like that. I'm not going to discuss girls.'

'Well, what would you like to discuss, then? Me?'

'_What?_'

'We've got to talk about something. And I don't know many topics. There're girls, and there's me.'

'Your world is so simple.'

'No, it isn't. Like now, I haven't had a girlfriend for six months. Pete's already mocking me about it. Soon you'll start, too, and I have to find one.'

'I'm not gonna be mocking you.'

'That's great, since I haven't figured out whom I'd like to hit on. It's really hard, deciding, I mean. I have to know that the girl's gonna accept me.'

'Oh, is that your secret? You choose girls that you know will take you?'

'Don't tell Prongs.'

'You've made me think you're irresistible. For girls, I mean.'

'Well, now you know the truth. I'm not. It's all about choosing the target, really. Prongs made a mistake choosing Evans.'

'But he got her.'

'Yeah, after five years.'

'That's not too bad, if you're in love with someone.'

'Are you?'

'I was talking in general.'

'I know. Answer, Moony.'

'No.'

'Really?'

'No.'

'Fuck. My head's aching.'

'Mine, too. Shut up and sleep.'

--------------

'Moony?'

'…'

'_Moony?_'

'Fuck off. I told you to sleep.'

'You didn't sleep, either.'

'How do you know?'

'I listened to your breaths.'

'Fuck. I have to get out of here.'

'Why? It's not even dark. I can almost see you. You're annoyed.'

'You hear it in my voice.'

'Whatever. You've got too much bones.'

'What?'

'Your shoulder. It's not soft enough. I can't get comfortable.'

'You aren't supposed to get comfortable against my shoulder.'

'Would you prefer your chest? There's no pillow.'

'Your hair's on my neck.'

'So?'

'It tickles.'

'I don't care. I'm tired. Grope my hair, please.'

'What? Like this? Why?'

'My mum used to do that. When I was three or something. It feels funny.'

'Yeah, because I'm the one doing it.'

'No, you're good. I wouldn't let Wormtail or Prongs touch my hair.'

'…'

'Say something.'

'Sirius, I'm tired. I'm leaning against the stone wall and it's cold.'

'Try me.'

'We can't lean against each other's shoulders. It's impossible.'

'We could try lying on the floor.'

'It's cold.'

'You aren't.'

'Er, thanks. Well, I'll just… your leg is on my way.'

'Sorry.'

---------------

'Moony?'

'What?'

'You smell odd.'

'_What?_'

'In a nice way.'

--------------

'I don't know what I'm doing.'

'Me, neither. Just keep doing it, please.'

--------------

'Sirius? Are you awake?'

'Barely.'

'Good. Are you having a hang-over?'

'Kind of.'

'Better. Do you remember everything?'

'Remus, don't panic. Please. Just breathe.'

'I'm not panicking.'

'No, you're blushing.'

'You can't see.'

'I can tell.'

'Shit. I'm… I was…'

'Wasted? Curious? Crazy? Whatever. We're both still alive.'

'I feel weird.'

'That's how you always feel. Focus on the breakfast. Prongs will come and save us in a few hours.'

--------------

'Moony? What the hell are you doing?'

'Nothing special. I just wanted some light so that I can see if we've broken things here.'

'You have your wand?'

'Of course I have my wand.'

'I mean, you had it all the time? Since we got trapped in here?'

'Yeah. What's the matter?'

'…'

'Oh, shit.'


End file.
